Red Sonja

“Her name was Red Sonja. She lived in a savage world, in an age of violence...” which was 1985, as it turned out.

Spinning out of the Schwarzenegger, Conan the Barbarian films, who gets top billing here. Bridgette Neilson (before she married and divorced Sylvester Stallone), gives us this version of Robert E. Howards character, (actually not quite Howard's character, as it was reworked extensively by Roy Thomas and Barry Windsor-Smith of Marvel comics to the version that's laid out on film). A young woman whose family has been killed, and body violated at the hands of an evil vain lesbian Queen. Which has shades of Snow White. However unlike Snow White, Red Sonja is visited by a woodland fairy taking pity on the wandering rape victim, endowing her with a mighty sword arm and a mission of vengeance.

Which all happens in voice over in the first two minutes. We then get to view a temple of beautiful priestesses... who immediately get slaughted by the evil Queen, who steals their McGuffin, sorry, I mean mystic talisman. And seeing busty, scantly clad girls, chopped, stabbed and hurled into pits to their deaths must of fulfilled someone's idea of fetish pleasure as they don't go easy on the viewer when showing this.

In rides Schwarzenegger as Conan... whoops, not Conan, but Kalidor. Who just so happens to be very much like Conan, another Howard creation. Schwarzenegger plays the walking phallic imagery in a film that has mystic talismans of great power that can only be touched by women, and a lead female character who refuses and hates the touch of men, but becomes surrogate mother to a young boy prince. A lead who also likes to wave around a huge sword while wearing a costume that would make a stripper look over-dressed.

It's all very much the same 'girl power' subtext that was co-opted by the TV series, Xena (a spin-off of Hercules) a decade or so later. The equality of women, their potential for causing great destruction, the refusal to allow themselves to become victims and master the weapon of men – the sword. But, y'know, only if they show a lot of cleavage and thigh. And as long as they still need to get rescued by men when things get really tough.

As sword and sorcery flicks go, Red Sonja isn't all that bad at all. It's a Dino de Laurentiis production, so all the sets are lavish and well detailed. It's a very attractive film to look at. Even the very simple 'candle room set' is lovely. And there's rarely more than five minutes that go by without swordplay. It's plot and characterisations are no better or worse than the Conan films, yet for the most part, Red Sonja goes unloved. Why? Is it the annoying and supposedly comically endearing young boy Prince character? The constant need to try and soften Red Sonja's hard-line stance? Splitting the film's focus with two larger than life leads? Most critics say that it was just too silly. But it's no sillier than others. Maybe 1985 just wasn't ready for a female action hero?

Highlights: Giant hairy pet spiders. Giant mythical dinosaur skeleton bridge. Giant mechanical water serpent fight.