Retro Comic Read Through: Team America #2

Team America #2
Cover date July 1982

With the second issue they take the interesting move of not featuring any of the characters they just set up rather painstakingly, (or at least painfully for us), in the first issue on the cover. Except for the black Marauder fellow whose drawn rather small and hidden in some muddy inks off to the side. Instead we get the main figure of a new Team America member in a full face helmet and cowboy hat (how does that work?), jumping onto a dune buggy. His own bike hidden by the corner box. So it seems they've abandoned the motorcycle concept as well. He's being shot at by what seem to be a glam-rocker on a pogo stick. This cover comes to us courtesy of Vosburg and that other stalwart of Marvel's inking bullpen almost as hamfisted as Colletta, Al Milgrom.

The second issue is such a big event that it's scripted not just by co-creator Jim Shooter but by Denny O'Neil and Bill Mantlo as well! Three scripters? You just know this is going to be good! Vosburg and Colletta return to hurt our sensibilities on the art chores. Though there are several pages that are very obviously not inked by Colletta (they look almost good), no one else is credited.

The story opens at the exact same moment we left our three victorious heroes. In front of the press accepting their trophy. Though Honcho has removed his hand from the bikini model. The title of this tale? 'Fear And Loathing In Montana' – which kinda suggests maybe this is going to be an out-there drugged fuelled yarn, only in Montana instead of Las Vegas. But you know it's not going to be that at all. Y'know it's called that because one of the many writers just recently read a bit of Hunter S. Thompson and thought he was being all hep and with it.

“Y'all the handsomest man I ever gave a trophy to!”, coos the retarded girl in the bikini to Honcho. Who replies “Uh... Thanks” a strained and nervous expression on his face while all his thoughts are solely for his ultra-macho team-mate, Wolf. Leaving me wondering if they really did intend to write Honcho as homosexual, because all of the clues are getting just a touch obvious!

A lot is made of the fact that Team America are independent racers rather than sponsored corporate riders. Pretty much the polar opposites of the artists and writers working for Marvel at the time.

What follows is a Fantastic Four type scene, with Wolf taking the part of the Thing and Reddy, The Human Torch, leaving the role of Invisible Girl for Honcho. I guess, as none of the team is smart enough to be Reed Richards. After a short fight, Wolf decides to quit the team and stomps off.

We then go to a trailer park in Florida and are introduced to a black couple, the first appearance of any black persons in the series, Wrench (real name Leonard Hebb) and Georgianna. Watching TV, Wrench sees the Team America interview on his little black & white set and tells his wife that they're off outta the trailer park to go join the team. Because “I am the best mechanic alive... the best!”, Wrench says. Though if he's so good why he's living in a trailer park is anyone's guess.

Wrench is the classic 80s black character. Not given an action roll as one of the main members of the team, but made really smart and gets to work as the main characters assistant. So, y'know, that's sorta empowering. It's not at all like being a servant or anything because he's really smart and knows mechanics and computers and shit, and the main white guys riding their bikes really respect that.

We learn a little bit more about the rules of Unlimited Class Racing. There's 'virtually no equipment restrictions' that apply to the vehicles in the race. So it's basically the same rule book as Wacky Races... I'm starting to think that a real world version of Unlimited Class Racing might be a fun spectacle.

The story then takes us to the suite of rooms in New York city to set up the evil Hydra plot of pure Hydra-evil for this issue. We meet the fearless leader, a bald man who never quite shows the reader the entirety of his face... ooh, mysterious! And his number two in command, who seems to be a very blocky looking woman called Agent Marcus. Watching Team America on their black & white TV as well (what, Hydra can't fork out for colour? Did they spend all their money on blimps?).

Fearless leader wants Team America eliminated as he suspects one of their number is the mysterious Marauder they've a vendetta against. So he gives the job to Marcus. Not being a complete fool, Marcus realises that Hydra doesn't have competent assassins, so outsources it to a freelancer who is never named. Though during his brief fight with some generic Hydra goons, this freelance assassin gives us some helpful advice. When sneaking up behind someone, “Never warn your target. He may have a bomb”. That's the kinda insight it takes three scripters to provide. Winning his trial the assassin receives a dossier with all the information Hydra has on Team America. Which seems to consist solely of a newspaper whose headline reads: Team America Wins! Which shows a serious lack of commitment in Hydra's intelligence gathering department. Hydra's so cut-rate they hardly qualify as villains.

Then back to our team of heroes and the hotel they're staying at. And intro a cowboy who has come to join the team because he feels compelled by that mysterious 'link' the others suffer from as well. He has an annoying habit of calling people 'rannies', and really I've no idea what that's supposed to mean. But I guess it's cowboy slang and that's as good as anything in replacement of an actual personality. He introduces himself by way of saving Honcho from an embarrassing situation, as yet another girl whose gaydar has broken attempts to hit on him, by throwing a lasso over him. Honcho doesn't seem too displeased with being tied up either. “I'm afraid the gents already engaged for the evenin' ma'am”, says the cowboy. “He's gonna be breakin' in the newest member of Team America!” Does that even count as subtext?

We quickly learn that this cowboy's name is Luke Merriweather, but people call him... Cowboy. Probably because of the hat and the lasso he carries with him.

And where's that poor man's Wolverine substitute, Wolf gone? Why he's off at the beach, wrestling with cliché neo-Nazi bikers so he can join their gang! That's the kind of loner Wolf is. As soon as he leaves one team he wants to join another. But along comes Wrench and his wife, Georgianna (actually the relationship between Wrench and Georgianna isn't stated, I may be just terribly old fashion. In fact he never seems to introduce her to anyone). A fight with the neo-Nazi bikers ensues where Wolf disappears and the Marauder appears out of nowhere to... put out the bikers beachside bonfire, then drives off. Not really as impressive as his previous appearances. The rest of Team America show up to save the day, Wolf reappears and agrees to re-join the team. Then there's an awkward panel where Wrench shows off his modified camper van and the reader gets the nasty sensation that Marvel was thinking about licensing this property as a toy-line. That panel with the campervan looks so much like a retail ad it seems odd that there isn't a recommended retail price sticker on it.

And if you like the Team America Campervan, then you'll love the Team America Dune Buggy! The story shifts to the next leg of the international Unlimited Class Racing tournament. This time they're in the Rocky Mountains and Wrench is showing off the dune buggy they're going to be racing. Motorbikes being relegated to the background for this issue. And considering the motorbike angle is this books main hook, it's odd that they downplay that concept in the second issue.

We get to see the team kicking back in a cookout the day before the race. Honcho and Wrench nerd out at the different toys they can license. Reddy plays his guitar. Wolf boozes up because he's a real man and no loco gringo. And Cowboy is hitting on Georgianna, who quite likes the attention. When along comes our assassin fellow from the almost incidental plot point of 'Hydra wants to kill us'. He takes an interesting approach for an assassin. He walks up to them, reveals that he's going to kill them off during the race one-by-one to draw out the Marauder, then walks off. That's not too stealthy! And what's he doing warning the target? They may have a bomb! You get the idea that cheap-arse Hydra is getting what they pay for with this guy.

The next day they're off and racing in what looks like a five car race between Team America's dune buggy, Speed Racer, a Toyota hatchback, a VW love bug, and a 50s Cadillac. We're given this extra insight into Unlimited Class Racing rules: 'Any kind of vehicle employing any level of technology is allowed. The only restrictions are the limits of one's imagination and finances... and the depth of a man's courage!' Which doesn't even begin to explain what the guy in the hatchback is doing in the race.

Y'know... that's one helluva screwed up rule book.

The race progresses and various team members come under attack from the nameless master assassin. First from his stealthy helicopter that fires missiles that don't explode but are designed to push cars off roads and down hills. No, really. Then he chases the dune buggy on a floating machine gun equipped trolley. No, really. But since he's not a very good shot decides to give up and go away. What a crap assassin!

Cowboy then leaps aboard the dune buggy to replicate the scene from the cover and drives the car to the finishing line. Where quite surprisingly, and against cliché, he comes second! A close second, but still second. This book is so predictable that it comes as a genuine surprise they don't win and whichever one of the multitude of writers came up with that idea should be commended for it.

The story finishes up with a scene at number two, Agent Marcus' secret Hydra lair. She prepares to execute the assassin for his failure when the Marauder turns up revealing her larger plot to overturn her fearless leader. The leader then promptly blows up Agent Marcus' base via remote control from New York. Only the Marauder and the assassin escape – presumably so he can menace the Team with being ineffectual at some future date.

Our final scene is of the team kicking back with a small party and is very chummy. A big deal is made of Wolf turning up late. So is Wolf secretly the Marauder? Will Hydra embarrass themselves again? Will Honcho exit the closet? I guess we're just going to have to keep reading to find out!