Retro Comic Read Through: Team America #1

In 1982 from the brains of Ed Hannigan and the then Marvel Editor-In-Chief, Jim Shooter came one of the greatest comic book series of that decade – Team America! Well those two are credited on the splash page of this series, but Wikipedia gives their creation to J.M. DeMatteis and Mike Zeck, most likey due to their original appearance in Captain America #269.

Breaking into rapidly crowding comic book shelves with a roar, Team America offered something no other book at the time could, stars and stripes clad men on motorbikes. Awesome! Okay, well technically Captain America was known to ride a motorcycle and he's quite stars 'n' stripey. Ghost Rider was tooling about on a bike too, but hey, neither of them were a patch on Team America!

This comic series is famed for being not just dreadful, but 80s dreadful. It's talked of in the same breath (when it's mentioned at all), as US1 and Crystar the Crystal Warrior. But like those two other series there's a certain amount of charm and (misdirected) enthusiasm contained within those pages. They were a product of their time and as such shouldn't be so easily dismissed. Not every comic could be a Dark Knight or Watchmen. But like them, Team America and it's companions were not ordinary. They stood out for different reasons and refused to be forgotten.

So let's sit down, take a trip to the darkside of the legendary comics coin and read through this 12 issue mini-series (though like it's fellow legendary comics, the trucking adventures of US1 and toy line promoting of Crystar, the choice to make this a 12 issue series came only after sales figures came in), and revel in the sheer delight of Team America.

Team America #1
Cover date June 1982

No better place to start than the front cover. And this stylistic cover is glorious. Bob Layton gives us three red, white and blue motorcyclists racing along star encrusted blue streamers on a red background. An ominous giant, dressed and helmeted all in black, stands behind these three brightly coloured cyclists with his left arm raised in a balled fist salute to... well, I've no idea what he's saluting. But he looks for all the world like a member of the Black Panthers encouraging his brothers to kill whitey.

It's a nice cover and it's obvious that it's trying to reach for an iconic feel but it's let down by lacking a focal figure to pivot on and with all the character's faces helmeted they seem cold and inhuman. The colourist hasn't helped by flattening the whole piece by only using one shade of red and blue. They were probably going for a 'poster' type feel but it just doesn't work and Layton's artwork doesn't assist this.

But it's bright and has lots of stars. So let's turn the cover and get reading.

A red uniformed rider is poppin a wheelie at us with the blue and white rider following behind. All their uniforms are the same design, a big 'A' on the chest with lots of stripes and stars everywhere. Only the dominate colours change from rider to rider. All of them have full face helmets on, giving them that cold inhuman feel.

The inspiring title for this first issue is: 'Stan Lee presents The Origin Of Team America'. Which strikes me as a bit... uncreative for the debut issue of these new characters. Beneath the title is a flash reading, 'featuring the mysterious Marauder!' Along with a breakout pic of that all black rider from the cover. Oooh, intriguing. Already this comic has you wondering just who is this Marauder fellow and will we find out just what he's saluting on the cover?

The copy that rather awkwardly runs down the page reads; 'And introducing Unlimited Class Racing! The ultimate motorized competition! Sponsored by the multi-national corporations and industrialized nations, highly-trained racing crews thunder around special racing circuits all over the world, contending in the most challenging test of men and machines ever devised!' Which all reads like they're admitting that they really don't know anything about motorcycle racing, so they're just going to make up their own... Wacky Racers style.

But god help us, the text continues; 'Defying the technological giants is a team of individuals from widely diverse backgrounds, united by an inexplicable bond. A team of individuals striving to win victory and glory for themselves and their country!' The text never tells us just who these rugged individualists are or which country they ride for, but I'm guessing it's probably the Team America blokes.

But it's all an interesting premise. A globe trotting troupe of riders, bucking the system and getting up to all sorts of hi-jinx. Sounds like fun.

Being the opening issue Marvel's pulled out the big guns to create this comic. Jim Shooter on scripting chores. And a chore it is to wade through some of his over-written prose that took two letters (Jim Novak and Joe Rosen) to handle all the work he threw their way. Mike Vosburg on pencils. Vosburg is known for his other work on... actually I've no idea, I'm gonna have to look this fellow up (oh, it seems he also did some She-Hulk and G.I. Joe. His Wiki page doesn't even mention Team America. He won an Emmy for directing the animated Spawn series. Wow.) And ably inked by that true giant of the comics scene, the legend himself, Vince Colletta. Colletta, of course, being a more mysterious figure than the Marauder, in as much as it's a mystery just how he – and his legion of nameless assistants - got so much work. This being an obvious pet project of Shooter's, and him being the Editor-In-Chief, he could of hand picked anyone for this book. Why he chose the talent that he did is unfathomable, but all his strange choices just go to add to the legendary status of Team America. It's part of the charm.

The story starts out with an appallingly dull eight panel page layout for the first three pages. Showing the mysterious Marauder breaking into 'The ultra-modern headquarters of Universal Technologies'. Where the art fails to show us anything beyond the standard cat burglar action. Shooter covers the pictures with panel after panel of text letting us know that this black-clad figure exhibits super-strength, super-intelligence, super-intuition and super-speed reading. Basically all the stuff that isn't shown in the art. After reading and deleting five files from the curiously titled 'New Genesis' operation (the only one we see belonging to an ex-CIA agent, James McDonald), the Marauder gets busted. Apparently all his super-abilities don't help him against plot advancement.
After a brief chase where he demonstrates super-motorcycle abilities, such as using 'a slight irregularity in the road's surface – he is suddenly airborne' to jump security guard cars. One guard exclaims, “I – I can't believe it!”, and as a reader I couldn't agree more.

Then we cut back to Universal Technologies to discover it's a secret Hydra enclave. Hydra, the evil criminal organisation that usually battles Nick Fury or Captain America in their attempts at world domination. We're given an insight into Hydra's employee motivation policies – apparently any sort of failure means death. Which leads me to believe the office Christmas parties would probably be rather glum affairs.

Hydra's grand scheme is also revealed. They want to steal a new super-dooper motorbike being auditioned on the Unlimited Class racing circuit. World conquering Hydra wants to steal a bike. A bit of a step-down from world domination. And they're also going to kill all the people whose names were on those five files that were deleted. Mostly because they're Hydra and they're just plain evil dicks.

Then off to the race track of Daytona, USA. And a moustachioed fella with mutton-chop sideburns, denim vest and red bandanna headband who would look fine in the line-up of the Village People is strolling along. We know he's Hispanic despite his very pink hue because his first line of dialogue in his thought balloons is, “Madre de dios!” He then goes on to describe himself to... um, himself. “If I, El Lobo – The Wolf were riding in this race, no trick machine would beat me”, and isn't it great he even translates his own name in his head?

He even let's us know what he's doing around the race track. “Why did I come here? Why did I leave the outlaw band that had become my family? It's as though something... some force drew me to this place..”

If El Lobo, that's The Wolf to folks like you and me, has any more to say to himself we don't get to read it. As a Hydra agent creeps up behind him and shoots him. No, no... only joking. Of course the Hydra agent doesn't just pull a gun, that's just not Hydra-evil enough! Instead the agent plants a time bomb on a barrel behind him. But sadly the bomb goes Plink! (no really, it goes Plink!) and alerts Wolf. Whom, as Shooter describes in caption; 'With quickness born of desperation, Wolf's powerful muscles propel him headlong over the steel fire wall a full five yards away'. Which is lucky for the reader that the caption is there, as the artist has chosen to draw Wolf leaping over a knee-high wooden fence about 3 feet away from him.

Wolf survives and we're immediately taken to a Daytona hotel. James McDonald is strolling the hallway in a tux suffering the same mental problems as Wolf in needing to summarise himself mentally. “I've got to keep reminding myself that I'm on my own now! I've cut ties with the CIA!” While distracting himself, a Hydra agent sneaks up behind McDonald and... no, he doesn't pull a gun and shoot him, instead he pulls a Hydra-evil knife, throws it and misses. Don't any of these Hydra agents get issued guns? McDonald takes all the credit for the Hydra agent's shocking aim, “Anticipating the unexpected, always being tensed and ready, pays off!” Yeah, sure thing Batman, whatever.

Cutting immediately to the racetrack parking lot and the arrival of Winthrop Roan Jr, whose looking for a job racing bikes. “Man, I just gotta get a job and raise some heavy-duty cash!” Because he's a Ritchie Rich type kid who's been disinherited by his wealthy dad. “But I'm going to pay that miserable fatcat-jerk back every cent I ever took from him till the day he disowned me!” It's during this introspection that a Hydra agent sneaks up behind the red headed lad. Apparently this agent never got the memo about how to be extra Hydra-evil because he actually pulls a gun and shoots at young Winthrop. Who having seen the agent in his side-mirror ducks. The Hydra agent seems to only have one bullet in his gun so runs away.

Each one of our lucky trio are lead to a shed by mysterious notes. And the introductions are as enigmatic as you would expect from such rugged individuals.

Wolf: First... Your name Gringo.
Winthrop: I'm not sure I have one any more, pal... Except maybe 'R.U. Reddy'! Yeah... That was my stage name back when I had a rock band!

Ya really want to go with, R.U. Reddy? You don't want to reconsider that? And what the hell kinda rock band was that anyway? Sounds like New Kids On The Block. Okay now we have Wolf and R.U. Reddy. But where's McDonald, and will he get a groovy handle as well? Oh, here he comes...

Wolf: Eh? Who are you? And how did you sneak in here without I hear you?
McDonald: I have ways...

'Ways'? Does walking in through the backdoor really count as having a 'way'? Apparently every time I've come in from the garden I've had a 'way'... good Lord, I'm cool.

There's also a mysterious note from the equally mysterious Marauder:
“All of you share a common destiny. All of you are linked. All of you can triumph as one, or each of you can fall alone. Die alone, hope dies with you. If you win, I can win. If I win, hope lives on. For all. For America. Who will stand for America? The race awaits. - Marauder.” Strangely, none of our heroes points out that the mysterious Marauder is a cheesey melodramatic hack writer.

They quickly realise that there exists an ill-defined 'link' between the three of them. That they all feel strangely meaningful to each other. That this link is telling them to form a motorbike racing team. The link doesn't extend to letting any of the three know that they're being really gay and retarded.

But it's not all smooth sailing. Wolf isn't a team player and picks up a giant steel wrench, then bends it in his hands! Instead of freaking out at this completely impossible display of strength, McDonald says, “Something inside me wants there to be a team wearing red, white and blue out on that track next week! And who better to wear those colours than us? Who better to be Team America?! We're three individuals each striving to be the best, each driven by his own separate dreams! Isn't that what America's all about?” That's an interesting question. What's your answer? Mine was, no, no it's not.

“Right on, man!” Says R.U. forgetting that it's 1982 for a second.

What follows is a time jump to the day before the race and had this been an 80s movie you just know they would of filled that gap with a motorcycle building montage. R.U., Wolf and McDonald (who hasn't managed to get himself a nickname) are working on their three 'scoots' – which is what all serious bike riders call their vehicles. “You're real used to giving orders, aren't you, McDonald?”, says Wolf. “I guess that's why they called me Honcho where I used to work”. Annndd there we have it! McDonald's stupid nickname! His old workmates called him Honcho? Where did he work? A gay strip bar? “None of your business!” Says Honcho to all questions. Which only lends weight to the whole 'gay strip bar' possibility.

A quick interlude shows us the preparations Hydra has made to steal the motorbike of Team America's Japanese competitor, Pop and his Team Kawahama. They've assembled a platoon of agents with guns(!), 6 tanks, 8 helicopter gunships and a blimp. That deserves repeating... a blimp. And all this assembled Hydra-evil is to steal one motorbike. Let's just hope that they don't run up against three guys on scoots, otherwise they're gonna wish they'd taken another blimp.

Race day arrives to find our three macho men in their stars and stripes leathers. And we get an insight into how the Daytona leg of the Unlimited Class Race is run. It's a three man relay (lucky that) of 25 laps each. Strangely enough there isn't any commercial branding and sponsor logos to be seen anywhere around the track. Odd.

Honcho goes first. And while the race is hard, he doesn't give up hope and uses some racing slang. “We've got to take the best line through every turn, and ride the ragged edge all day”.
Then comes R.U. Reddy on to the track. He's so excited about getting into the race that he manages to jump his bike over a Frenchman from a standing start. Man, this comic has everything.

Finally it's Wolf's turn to ride. And he'll be going to the finishing line against Pop and his Japanese Team Kawahama's super-bike. The bike's super by the way because it has automatic guiding sensors that senses objects around it, then swerves to avoid them... which has got to take a lot of pressure off the rider. Despite this amazing machine's superness with not crashing into any walls and whatnot, Wolf wins the race with a fist pumping salute. Because, as Wolf himself thinks, “A real man only needs his strength, skills and courage!” Hey, don't completely dismiss that bike you're sitting on, Wolf!

Wolf's win causes a little confusion for the Hydra agents laying in wait. As their plan hinged on attacking and stealing the bike that was in the Winner's Circle... whoops. All havoc breaks loose as Hydra attacks. Team America fly into action. Which mostly entails riding their bikes up to people and kicking them. Go Team America!

It looks like the Hydra forces aren't doing to well with their platoon of gun toting goons (who don't seem to ever fire them...), tanks and helicopter gunships. So they bring in their big gun... the blimp of pure Hydra-evil! Which promptly sucks up, via it's vortex beam, both Pop and his superbike plus R.U. Reddy. “Hoo-boy! This is more fun than playing space invaders!” R.U. Says naming the only video game that Jim Shooter has ever heard of.

Is Hydra finally victorious? It would seem so, until the ever present caption box tells us, 'A devastating blast of incredible energy explodes outward from the ship's interior'. This caption panel actually serves a purpose as the illustration would suggest the blimp being blasted from somewhere on the ground. Though as the blimp hits the ground and it's shell brakes off, the caption let's us know; 'The ship's outer shell shatters on impact'. Um... thanks.

In the wreck is the Marauder fighting Hydra agents. With the loss of their blimp, Hydra realises that they can't possibly win, so quickly flee with their tanks and gunships. But in the process manage to destroy the superbike. Which can't be re-built because the guidance system was “an accidental fusing of wires [that] cannot be duplicated!” Damn, that's both unfortunate and unlikely! It's also sorta the plot device of 'Electric Dreams', a much maligned and under-appreciated romantic comedy with a fantastic music score.

Reddy is accused of being the Marauder but denies it. Saying he was knocked unconscious up in that blimp. Because of the mysterious link the other two believe him.

The issue ends with the trio in the press spotlight. Wolf stands alone all grouchy and pouty, R.U. Reddy is hugging the trophy. And Honcho looks uncomfortable while holding a bikini model in the most disinterested manner possible. Honcho is so completely in the closet. But all three are winners!

And that's issue #1 of the 1982 extravaganza Team America. All in all it's not such a bad premise. A team of exciting motorbike riders, a mysterious black clad stranger who may be one of the team, an international racing circuit and some spy-like intrigue. It's all there – well except for the fact that it was buried beneath some very bad art and giant caption boxes. It shouldn't be bad, but oh god it is. It's terrible.

For the rest of the 12 issue series I'll try for shorter reviews/read throughs.

Go Team Go!
And I think it's horse races that are on turf, Reddy... idiot.